


Community, But With The Gintama Cast

by Sweetysweetssugarytreats



Series: Tv Shows And Movies, But Rewritten With The Gintama Cast [1]
Category: Gintama
Genre: "Romantic Comedy", Comedy, Dysfunctional Family, Go watch Community now!, Humor, M/M, Multi, Out Of Character Characters Obviously, References to movies actors and pop culture, Romance, TV Show, The kind of tv show that has life lessons at the end of each episode... I seriously love it, different cultures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 05:23:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19761475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweetysweetssugarytreats/pseuds/Sweetysweetssugarytreats
Summary: "I'm taking the class as an easy credit. I'm actually a Spanish tutor. Board-certified.""Can you say that in Spanish now?""Duermo tarde español, una hora más, no rasque mi coche."When his college degree is challenged as a fake, lawyer and schemer Gintoki Sakata is forced to return to school. But while trying to chase after the hot guy from his Spanish class he reluctantly becomes the leader of a misfit group of fellow students.





	Community, But With The Gintama Cast

**Author's Note:**

> I have been having some really bad days recently and I decided to finally do what I wanted to do for _years_ but never found the courage to. I will combine my favorite tv show ever to my favorite anime ever. Gintama and Community. I thought they always had some similarities in common, mostly the humor and insane people, I just hope you might like it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> -Kouka is Kagura and Kamui's mother, for whoever has seen the series already she will take Shirley's place here.
> 
> -As Abed I had actually thought of Kamui, but I really wanted to have that Sougo and Shinpachi bromance and maybe even do the 'Troy and Abed in the morniiiing!' with these two, so I kept him!
> 
> _Obvious out of character characters! (though somehow still very similar personalities actually)_
> 
> Disclaimer: Community is an American comedy television series created by Dan Harmon that aired on NBC and Yahoo! Screen from September 17, 2009, to June 2, 2015. The series follows an ensemble cast of characters played by Joel McHale, Gillian Jacobs, Danny Pudi, Yvette Nicole Brown, Alison Brie, Donald Glover, Ken Jeong, Chevy Chase, and Jim Rash at a community college in the fictional town of Greendale, Colorado. It makes heavy use of meta-humor and pop culture references, often parodying film and television clichés and tropes.
> 
> I absolutely get nothing out of this except for having fun writing about it! This is not an original idea, but it belongs to the genius that is Dan Harmon and everyone else who created this masterpiece. Please check out the real Community! I will put a link at the end of the story!

The scene opens up with a campus. Not just any campus, mind you, but the campus of Greendale.

For anyone who doesn't know, the community college of Greendale is not like any other community college out there, it is a little insane. More than a little insane. Just like the people there, who either are already or end up going insane because they are going there. Though that's going to show more after a few episodes and definitely during the third and fourth season, but for now, let's focus on introducing our main characters, shall we?

* * *

Katsura Kotaro, the dean of the community college, a skinny, pale man is standing on a small platform, accompanied by a few seated elderly people, a podium and a stereo playing the sounds of bells chiming. After a few chimes he shuts it off and turns to the podium, in his hand he is holding up his cue cards as he addresses a small, scattered group of students.

"Good morning-"

But the stereo interrupts him with loud rap music. The microphone screeches as he tries to get it to turn off.

"How do we turn this off? Uh, can you help me turn this off? Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, how do we turn this off? Can you help me with this?"

A few people get up to help and they eventually manage to shut it off.

"Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. I didn't mean to snap." The dean turns back to the podium. "Uh, good morning! Many of you are half way through your first week here at Greendale, and, uh, as your Dean…" He bows, showing how actually proud he feels of his title. "…I thought I would share a few thoughts of wisdom and inspiration."

He starts reading from cue cards.

"What is community college? Well, you've heard all kinds of things."

[Cue the scenes with the zoom ins.]

"You've heard it's loser college for remedial teens."

Sougo looks away from a leaflet he was reading with a frown as he hears the words.

"Twenty-something dropouts."

Toshiro looks up from his book with an expression between disbelieving and shocked.

"Middle-aged divorcees."

Kouka looks startled towards the podium.

"And old people, keeping their minds active as they circle the drain of eternity."

Matsudaira looks positively offended.

"That's what you heard, however…" The dean raises his arm and glows with the determination of the inspiring impact he knows his speech is going to make.

He changes the cards and reads what's on it.

"…I wish you luck!"

Everyone stares at him.

Well, that was certainly not the impact he was hoping to achieve.

He pauses and checks his cards.

"Okay, you know- uh oh. Okay, there's more to this speech, there's actually a middle card that is missing. Can we all look around our immediate areas? Because I really wanted to…"

* * *

Meanwhile Gintoki, a handsome, too-cool-for-the-world type is standing some distance away, being talked at by a fast-paced Shinpachi who is speaking with an emotionless, almost robotic-like voice.

"I'm only half-Japanese, actually, from my dad's side. He's a US citizen, he's not a threat to national security or anything, a lot of people want to know that after they meet him because he has an angry energy, but not like angry at America, just angry at my mom for leaving him, although she did leave because he was angry because she's American." The boy holds out his hand. "My name's Shinpachi, by the way."

Gintoki shakes his hand. "Shinpachi, nice to know you, and then meet you, in that order. Now, about that question that I asked?"

"Oh. Uh…" Shinpachi checks his watch and points at him. "Five after eleven, when you asked."

Gintoki's eye catches Toshiro across the lawn and he stops Shinpachi abruptly.

"Shinpachi."

"Yeah?"

"What's the deal with the hot guy from Spanish class? I can't find a road in there."

Shinpachi catches Gintoki's line of vision and recognizes the guy he is talking about. "Well, I only talked to him once while he was borrowing a pencil, but…" He suddenly turns to Gintoki. "His name is Toshiro, he's twenty eight, birthday in October, he has two older brothers and one of them works with children who have a disorder I might wanna look up. Oh and he thinks he's gonna flunk tomorrow's test so he really needs to focus and he's sorry if that makes him seem cold."

Gintoki raises his eyebrows, impressed. "Holy crap. Shinpachi." He shakes the boy's hand with more vigor this time. "I see your value now."

Shinpachi looks down with a pensive expression, then he stares after Gintoki's retreating back with a raised finger as if asking for his turn to talk. "…That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

* * *

Hasegawa Taizou, a British professor with horrible teeth, is sitting at his desk playing with a Rubik's cube.

There is a knock at the door.

"Absolutely not." He states without looking up.

The door opens anyway and it reveals Gintoki, who enters with a shit-eating grin. "If these guys knew you like I did, they would've given you a small office."

Hasegawa is stunned for a moment before his face breaks out into a surprised grin. "Gintoki Sakata! Genius at law!"

He stands up to greet him while Gintoki waves a half-dismissive hand and shakes Hasegawa's stretched one with his other one.

"You gotta stop saying that."

"I will never do that. Sit down." He points at the couch beside his desk as he too takes a seat in his chair. "I still cannot figure out how you got a jury to connect September the eleventh with my DUI. Let alone why that helped."

Gintoki seems well pleased with himself at the reminder. "Well, 2002 was a simpler time."

Hasegawa sits up and directs a curious question at his friend. "So what is my lawyer doing here?"

Gintoki sighs. "I'm a student."

Hasegawa comments after a brief pause. "Well that cannot be an inspiring journey."

Gintoki nods and almost hesitates in sharing the last few events that have taken place in his life. "Uh, I-I am in a bit of a jam. The state bar has suspended my license. They found out my college degree was… less than legitimate."

Hasegawa sits back in his chair and crosses his arms behind his head. "Well I thought you had a Bachelors from Columbia?"

"And now I have to get one from America."

Hasegawa grimaces.

"And it can't be an email attachment." Gintoki looks disappointed as he finishes.

"Well, you've picked a fine school." The professor reassures his friend.

Gintoki nods. "Yes! And I am hoping that our friendship will yield certain advantages. You know, academic guidance…"

"Yes."

"…moral support…"

"Of course."

Gintoki takes out a schedule from the inside pocket of his jacket as he continues confidently. "…every answer to every test for every one of the classes that I'm taking." He hands the piece of paper to the other man. "Here's my schedule-"

Hasegawa shakes his head. "No. Now, Gintoki, just by asking that, you have- you have insulted the integrity of this entire institution." He then stands and picks up a wooden cane, banging on his window with it and scaring off a student outside who was peeing in the bushes. "Oi! Waster! Not a bathroom! Not- not a bathroom!"

Gintoki looks down at his lap where he folds his hands then stares directly at him as he drives his point home. "Okay, Taizo, you did seem less into integrity the day that I convinced twelve of your peers that when you made that u-turn on the freeway, and tried to order chalupas from the emergency call box, that your only real crime was loving America.

Hasegawa falters. "Well I-I do love America, I love it. Very much."

Gintoki hums pointedly. "Mmh?"

Hasegawa hesitates. "I… I love chalupas."

"But…?" He presses on.

Hasegawa finally gives in. "I'll look into it."

"Thank you." Gintoki stands up and shakes his hand again before heading for the door. "Taizo, you are a good man."

Hasegawa sighs as he picks up a pen and fiddles around with it. "Gintoki, are you familiar with the adage 'cheaters never prosper?'"

Gintoki opens the door, still looking at Hasegawa. "No. And, if I wanted to learn something, I wouldn't have come to community college." With another grins he leaves.

Hasegawa is left almost gaping at his old friend.

* * *

In the cafeteria, Matsudaira, an elderly, white-haired yet balding man, is having trouble putting together a hotdog. He struggles to get the sausage in the roll correctly, then accidentally sprays the sauce everywhere. He gives up, attempting and failing to hide the hotdog in amongst a pile of bread while a few students stare at him weirdly.

Gintoki, in line for food, sees Toshiro across the room. Even from where he is he can see his jet black fringe falling attractively over his eyes as he reads over his work, completely engrossed and writing furiously on his notebook, and that is enough to make his pulse race.

He abandons the line and approaches him, trying to keep a smirk to himself. He walks right past him and pretends to be surprised as he stops in his tracks. "Oh, hey, Spanish."

Toshiro doesn't even look up when he speaks. "Yeah, don't hit on me, okay?"

Gintoki is taken aback because it's probably the first time he gets his cards uncovered so fast, but he quickly reels himself in and bluffs. "Whoa. I wouldn't… dream of it. I just wanted to let you know about my Spanish study group."

Toshiro closes his books and finally makes eye contact. "Oh, whoa, the guy who's playing Bejewelled on his iPhone all class has a study group? Um, can I sign up twice?" He is as sarcastic as one can be.

Gintoki doesn't let that faze him. "I'm taking the class as an easy credit. I'm actually a Spanish tutor. Board-certified." He lies smoothly.

Toshiro is not convinced. "Can you say that in Spanish now?"

Gintoki pretends to do just that. "Duermo tarde español, una hora más, no rasque mi coche."

* * *

_Real translation:_

  
I sleep late Spanish, one more hour, do not scrach my car.

* * *

Of course Toshiro knows nothing about Spanish and believes that what the other man just said does actually make sense. "…I really need help with Spanish."

Gintoki nods and grins internally, and externally too. "Yeah, I was willing to bet. I'm Gintoki." They shake hands. "Or 'jefe.'"

* * *

_Translation_ :

  
Boss

* * *

"The group meets at the library at four."

"Toshiro." He introduces himself. "Thanks." Then he picks up his things and walks away.

Gintoki watches him leave, wishing he would have stayed longer. "You gonna be there?" There is just the _lightest_ hint of insecurity in his tone as he asks.

But Toshiro just smiles at him, almost mysterious in a way, and keeps walking.

"Un poquito más!" Gintoki calls after him. "That means 'see you there'"

* * *

_Real Translation:_

  
A little more!

* * *

Gintoki is sitting alone at a large, eight-seater table in the library's group study room.

"Bienvenido. Bienvenido." He is repeating to himself the words to use to greet Toshiro as he waits for him.

* * *

_Translation_ :

Welcome

* * *

As if summoned, the man makes his appearance and Gintoki turns to look at him and finally says what he had been rehearsing for the last ten minutes.

"Bienvenuto!"

He ends up mixing Spanish with Italian, but it's not like Toshiro really notices.

"Hey! Alright, come on in!" He shows him the room, urging him to take a seat right next to him. "Uh, got the whole table, welcome."

"Yeah. Got the whole room." Toshiro observes as he puts his stuff down and takes a seat.

"Here's a- yeah, here's the... contact sheet." Gintoki puts down a crumpled piece of yellow paper and a pen on the table. "Put your stuff there, that's..." He sits back and suddenly looks around. "Man... rest of the group is running late. But you and I can get acquainted."

Toshiro finishes writing his details and gives a slight shake of the head. "You may have noticed this morning, not so good at the small talk."

Gintoki nods. "Yeah, I like big talk. What's your deal?"

Toshiro tilts his head and stares at him quizzically. "That's not small talk?"

Gintoki looks at him pointedly. "What's your deal? And is God dead?"

After a pause Toshiro smiles. "Alright, you wanna know my deal?"

Gintoki nods, wanting to know nothing more in that moment. "Mm."

"I dropped out of high school because I thought, for some reason, it would impress Radiohead."

"Well you'd be surprised what gets back to those guys."

"I, um, I joined the Peace Corps. I did a little foot modelling. I got tear gassed at a world trade rally."

"Marry me."

Toshiro laughs. "I guess, Gintoki, my deal is, above all else, honesty."

Gintoki's smile dims in the new light that's just been switched in front of his eyes. He stares at a fixed point on the table. That definitely caught him off guard. "...Honesty." He repeats with less enthusiasm.

Toshiro nods whole-heartedly. "Yeah. You tell me the truth, I will like you. You lie to me, I will never talk to you again. That's my deal."

"…That's a good deal." Gintoki tries to sound convincing.

"So what's your deal?" Toshiro then asks him.

Gintoki now falters. "Uhh, I-I would have to go- I would- I would have to say, um... honesty. Because..., I would say anything to get what I want, and I-I want you to like me, so, uh..." He opens up one of his books just to get his hands to do something instead of fiddling with his fingers nervously, thinking he just royally screwed up any chance he might have had with the hot guy from his Spanish class.

Toshiro instead doesn't take his eyes off him, almost as if there is something that just draws him in. "Wow. That's a very honest answer." A little smile blooms on his lips. "Alright, now I like you fine."

Gintoki's eyes widen in surprise. "Really? Wow, you're easy."

"Hell yeah." Toshiro's attention is pulled away by the newcomer entering the study room. "Shinpachi in the house!"

Gintoki turns too and sees Shinpachi standing there. He and Toshiro both cheer while Gintoki joins in confusedly.

"Why?" He narrows his eyes the boy.

Shinpachi pulls up a chair between the two, not even aware of the atmosphere Gintoki was trying to create. "Oh, Toshiro invited me, is that cool?"

"Oh!" Gintoki exclaims sarcastically. "I can't think of a single logical reason why _not_. _"_

Shinpachi sits down and nods. "Cool."

Gintoki hands over the crumpled piece of paper reluctantly. "There you go. Here. Put your contact info down, right there."

Shinpachi takes a pen and writes his details down as he repeats the 'cool' word over and over. "Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool, cool, cool."

Gintoki, without being seen, takes his phone under his desk and discreetly starts texting Shinpachi just as he finishes writing.

"Hey. This is kinda like Breakfast Club, right?" The boy asks his seatmates almost excitedly.

"We are in a library." Toshiro points out.

Shinpachi looks at the both of them and resumes his fast-paced talk. "Yeah. I'm sure we've each got an issue balled up inside of us that would make us cry if we talked about it."

Toshiro's expression creases almost in concern. "Do you have something balled up inside of you?"

Shinpachi avoids his gaze and his voice lowers down as he answers, he gives off an almost intense vibe. "I get a little doozy in the chamber if things get emotional."

Gintoki finishes texting and puts his phone on the table in front of him, waiting. Shinpachi's phone chimes and he takes it out.

"Hey, text message! Let's give this bad boy a read." He flips open his phone and proceeds to do so.

Gintoki pauses, having not really thought his plan over, and tries to stop him. "Uh, it's probably just for you."

"I've never gotten one of these." Shinpachi comments with an almost child-like wonder at his first ever text message.

Gintoki leans closer and tries to talk him out of it. "I- ju- they're- it's probably- you just-"

But Shinpachi doesn't listen and reads out loud. _"Say you have to pee, I need to talk to you."_

Toshiro looks suspiciously from Shinpachi to Gintoki. Just to add insult to injury Shinpachi holds his phone over to show Toshiro.

"Say you have to pee." The boy repeats, completely unaware.

"That is weird." Toshiro comments.

And then Shinpachi shows Gintoki the message too, still completely unaware. "'Say you have to pee, I need to talk to you.'"

Gintoki nods. "Yeah. Do you have to pee?"

"No." Shinpachi answers confused. "It's so weird."

Gintoki tries to play it cool. "Well I'm stumped."

"That makes two of us."

Gintoki's phone chimes this time and he picks it up. It reads:

_Con-4-s-8-tion on football field now! –Taizo._

"What's that?" Toshiro asks curiously.

"Does it say you have to pee?" Shinpachi asks even more curiously.

"No, it's just... someone with a misguided grasp of abbreviation." He states unimpressed and gets up. "I just need five minutes you guys, so go ahead and study all the, uh... verbs. In Spanish." And quickly leaves to go find Hasegawa.

Toshiro watches him leave, then focuses on the boy next to him. "Shinpachi."

"Yeah?"

"What's your read on that guy?" He finds himself asking, starting to have some doubts about this Spanish tutor thing.

But Shinpachi pauses, and instead of answering him says seriously. "You look like Elisabeth Shue."

Toshiro frowns at him.

* * *

Hasegawa is standing in the middle of the field, watching people prepare for a race as Gintoki walks up to him.

"Just act natural, pretend you're watching the athletic proceedings."

"You couldn't stop me from watching them." Gintoki points with his head at an old man. "There's a guy trying out for the track team that is older than the game of poker."

The starting gun goes off and the old man takes the lead.

"He's kinda truckin'." He observes impressed.

Hasegawa sighs. "Suppose I was to say to you it was possible to get those test answers."

"I would say go for that." Gintoki answers obviously. "And could've said so in a text."

Hasegawa's irritation seeps into his voice. "I'm asking you if you know the difference between right and wrong."

Gintoki stares him down. "I discovered at a very early age that if I talked long enough, I could make anything right or wrong. So, either I'm God, or truth is relative." He shrugs, looking out on the field. "And in either case, _booyah."_

"Oh, interesting." Hasegawa pipes up sarcastically. "It's just the average person has a much harder time saying 'booyah' to moral relativism."

"Taizo, you don't have to play shrink to protect your pride. I accept, you're chicken." Gintoki says it like it is a universal truth.

"Are you trying to use reverse psychology on a psychologist?" The professor asks almost offended.

"No, I'm just using regular psychology on a spineless British twit."

"I'm a professor! You can't talk to me that way!"

"A six year old girl could talk to you that way!" Gintoki all but screams in his face.

"Yes, because that would be adorable!"

"No, because you're a five year old girl and there's a pecking order!"

"Fine, I'll do it!"

Gintoki is back to his calm and composed self and pats his friend on the shoulder before leaving. "Thank you."

"Yeah! A pleasure! Bye!" Hasegawa calls after him. "Yes! Good. Why am I still shouting!? I'm drawing attention to myself!"

* * *

Gintoki enters the study room quickly, with his head down. "You guys, you're not gonna believe this, but the rest of the group-"

He stops, noticing that in addition to Shinpachi, there are now four other people sitting at the table. Matsudaira is there, as is Sougo, a young guy in a high school letter jacket, Kouka, a middle-aged woman, and Otae, a young, pale, conservatively-dressed girl. Toshiro is absent.

"...is here." Gintoki finishes his sentence, not believing his eyes.

"Are you the board-certified tutor?" Matsudaira asks gruffly.

"That means you do my homework, right Seacrest?" Sougo continues in an arrogant way.

"I need to call my babysitter if we're gonna be later than ten." Kouka lets them know.

Otae crosses her arms and stares diffidently. "What board certifies a tutor?"

Gintoki, after his stunned moment has passed, looks to his right at Shinpachi. "Where's Toshiro?"

"Not sure." The boy answers, pointing at the new additions to their group. "But I invited more people from Spanish class, is that cool?

Gintoki raises his fist, wanting to strangle him. "That's the..." Then gives him a forced thumb up as he shows a passive aggressive smile. "Coolest!"

Shinpachi returns it cheerfully.

"I'm... gonna go to the bathroom, and... bring my jacket, wallet and, uh, keys with me, in case there's a fire." Gintoki picks up all of his things and quickly leaves.

"Sh-should we go with him?" Kouka looks at the others perplexed.

"I don't believe this." Matsudaira mutters to himself.

* * *

Gintoki strides out of the library annoyed, only to be confronted by Toshiro.

"And busted."

He panics, thinking his plan has finally been figured out. "Uh, listen-"

But Toshiro stops him by holding up the cigarette between his fingers. "Now you know. I'm a smoker."

There is an almost imperceptible spark of relief that crosses Gintoki's eyes as he gives out an inaudible sigh and quickly adjust. "Yeah, but they're filtered, so that makes them safe."

A smile tugs up the corner of Toshiro's lips. "You ready to get started? Looks like the rest of your group showed up."

Gintoki looks back at the library, then turns back again. "Yeah, not mine actually, I think Shinpachi took out a page on Craigslist. And I was trained never to say this… but I think that group may be untutorable."

"Oh, really?"

"So, uh, why don't you and I go to study over some-"

"Dinner?" Toshiro beats him to it.

"Or, drinks."

"I think, actually, we should prioritise here and study first, and then go to dinner." Toshiro walks past Gintoki to the library door, but pauses and looks at him with what Gintoki can only describe as a _seductive_ smile. "And if they really prove to be untutorable, we'll slip out early."

And goes back inside.

A slow grin makes its way to Gintoki's lips. "Oh. They will be... untutorable."

* * *

Everyone is sitting around the table, looking up at Gintoki in anticipation. He is at the head of the table, with Otae and Kouka to his left. Matsudaira and Sougo in front of him, and Shinpachi and Toshiro to his right.

"Alright, look at this group! All ready to study all night!"

"Well I can stay at least 'til ten-" Kouka says and the rest of them agree with her.

"But who studies with strangers, right?" Gintoki continues, beginning his plan to make the group 'untutorable'. "My name is Gintoki."

Matsudaira is the first to speak up as he stands. "Gintoki, it's a pleasure. My name is Katakuriko Matsudaira, and yes, that is Matsudaira as in Matsudaira Wipes, the award-winning moist towlette."

As he speaks, Matsudaira holds out his hand to shake. Gintoki can't reach it, so he sits on the table and extends his hand but Matsudaira takes his back just as he gets there and after a slight frown Gintoki retracts his hand too and they both take their seat.

"I was just gonna ask." No, Gintoki was not.

"I'm also a toast master." Matsudaira tells him. "So perhaps I should do the introductions?"

"Definitely."

The old man points to Toshiro first. "Alright, you already know Tokyun."

"Toshiro." Toshiro corrects him, as does everyone else at the table when he gets their names wrong.

"Uh, Shinichi. Shinichi the Japa-nesy!" He chuckles. "Is that inappropriate?"

Shinpachi nods. "Sure."

He claps a hand on Sougo's shoulder. "Soichiro! Soichiro the wonder boy!"

"Sougo."

"Little princess Akiko."

"Otae."

Then Matsudaira stops at Kouka. "And finally, this beautiful creature is named Kouka."

Gintoki raises a questioning eyebrow towards the woman. "Is that even close?"

Kouka nods regretfully.

Otae directs a question to Gintoki, her tone sounds almost annoyed. "I'd like to know why I had to find out about this group on accident?"

"Oh, this is getting way more like Breakfast Club now." Shinpachi observes emotionlessly, but happy on the inside.

Matsudaira looks up interested. "There's breakfast?"

"Okay!" Toshiro is the one trying to reign the group into what they came here for, to study. "Um, maybe we should get to-"

Gintoki interrupts him, placing his hand over Toshiro's. "You know, I've been a part of a lot of study groups that fell apart because of unresolved tension." Toshiro narrows his eyes at him but he pretends not to notice, although he takes his hand back. Even if the small contact is enough to make his skin tingle. "Shouldn't we address Otae's concern? Did we not invite her?"

Kouka goes into her mother-mode. "Well Otae, sweetie, it's not behind your back, we just didn't really think about you-"

But Otae stops her rather abruptly. "Can we stop with the 'pumpkins' and the 'sweeties'? Being younger does not make me inferior; if anything, your age indicates that you made bad life decisions."

Kouka makes a disagreeing noise in the back of her throat and starts shaking her head.

"Oh, Kouka has a response to that." Gintoki points to her.

She shakes her head with more fervor. "No, no, no, no, don't."

"It really looks like you do." Sougo also comments.

"Please, Kouka, go ahead." Gintoki urges her, looking infinitely pleased.

"You should say something, dig deep." Shinpachi contributes too.

"Okay, okay, um... I'm sure I've made some- some bad life decisions." Kouka gives in at the end, starting quietly. But as she talks more her tone gets louder and less sweet. "And maybe Otae's decisions will be better. Um, but I think she needs to decide whether she wants to be considered a- a child, or an adult. Because children get pity, but not respect. And adults, they get respect, but they also get the back of their head grabbed and their face pushed through jukeboxes!"

"Okay!" Toshiro interrupts once again, not wanting the discussion to escalate. "Why don't we try learning 'jukebox' in Spanish?" He makes an attempt to lighten the mood and keep things moving.

But Matsudaira touches the back of Kouka's head and she recoils.

"What are you doing?!"

"Let's discuss this creepiness." Gintoki says to the group, and to Matsudaira in particular.

"Pardon you?"

"What are you doing?" Toshiro whispers under his breath to Gintoki.

"I'm certified." Gintoki whispers back as if that explains everything, then turns to the older man. "Are you unaware that she finds your advances inappropriate?"

Matsudaira chuckles. "What advances?"

Kouka narrows his eyes at him. "You have been sexually harassing me since the very first day of class."

Matsudaira lets out a surprised laugh. "Sexually harassing? What? That makes no sense to me. Why would I harass someone who turns me on?"

Sougo slams his book on the table in disbelief. "Saying she turns you on _is_ the harassment, dude!"

Matsudaira gapes in indignation and stares at the boy with an air of superiority. "Hey. I am a prominent business leader, and a highly sought after dinner guest, and I will not take courting advice from some… teenage boy."

Sougo laughs confidently. "Well this teenage boy is a quarter back and a prom king."

Otae scoffs quietly under her breath. "You're not prom king anymore Sougo. This isn't Riverside High."

Sougo's expression morphs into bewilderment. "How'd you know I went there?"

Otae's face falls, then her eyes flame with anger. "Because… you're still wearing your stupid letter jacket. And more importantly, I sat behind you in algebra."

Sougo points at her with his marker as his face lights up in recognition. "Were you that girl that got hooked on pills and then dropped out?" He snickers. "You're little Tae Aderol!"

"Okay, then you're a stupid jock who lost his scholarship by dislocating both shoulders in a keg stand!" She fires back.

"Keg flip!" Sougo corrects her. "They're very hard to pull off!"

Everyone starts shouting at each other in argument as Toshiro stares, mouth agape, and Gintoki smiles in amusement.

Suddenly, Shinpachi slams his hand on the table and everyone falls silent.

"You know what I got for Christmas? It was a banner year at the Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said: 'Hey, smoke up Johnny!' No dad, what about you!?"

Everyone just stares. Shinpachi grins to himself, then nods at Gintoki.

"…Well, that actually was from the Breakfast Club." Gintoki is the one to break the silence.

Everyone nods.

"Nobody puts Baby in the corner." Shinpachi continues.

Gintoki nods. "Dirty Dancing."

Shinpachi nods too and grins. "Yeah."

Once again Gintoki's phone rings and he takes it out of his pocket, answering without checking who is calling. "Hello?"

On the other line is Hasegawa, speaking in a deep voice. "It's Professor Taizo, come to the parking lot, now."

Gintoki frowns. "What's wrong with your voice?"

"I'm disguising it." Hasegawa mutters before hanging up.

"Uh, I'll be back." He says and gets up once again. "But while I'm gone, you guys need to hash this stuff out. No stone unturned. Go!" He gives them the cue and leaves with his jacket.

Toshiro watches him go unnerved as everyone starts arguing again.

* * *

Gintoki looks around for Hasegawa in the parking lot when he hears a honk. He sees him huddled inside a tiny car.

"Get in the car!"

He pulls a face before reluctantly getting in.

"Act as if we've either just finished, or are yet to begin driving." Hasegawa whispers like they are going to get caught any moment now.

Gintoki shuts the door as the other man holds up a thick yellow manila envelope that is taped shut with duct tape.

"Every answer to every test in your curriculum this semester."

Gintoki smiles just thinking about all the A's he's going to score that semester. "I knew you could do it buddy, thank you." But as he makes to reach for it, Hasegawa snatches the envelope away.

"Whoa there, grabby grabby. What do I get?"

"The satisfaction of being even."

"Even, fairness, right, wrong. There is no God. Booyah, booyah." Hasegawa tries to make himself sound philosophical, and fails.

Gintoki is becoming more irritated by the second. "Well what do you want from me?"

The man pauses and looks him straight in the eyes. "Your Lexus."

Gintoki's face quickly falls. "…My car? For a semester's worth of answers?"

"Will it be just a semester though, Gintoki? Won't you be taking the easy way out for the next four years? I want payment in advance. I want leather seats with built-in ball-warmers."

He shakes his head. "You know, bluffs this weak are how your people lost the colonies." He gets out, but Hasegawa stops him with his next sentence.

"Have a nice disbarment hearing."

Gintoki gets back in unwillingly. "What am I supposed to drive?!"

"Well you should take this car. It's good for the earth."

"Yeah, well so is wiping your butt with a leaf, but it's not how a man gets around!"

Hasegawa stays silent, he just holds the package out to Gintoki again. He stares at it furiously, weighing his options, then rolls his eyes and snatches it.

* * *

He jogs up the stairs to find everyone is still shouting and arguing. Toshiro sees him and comes out of the study room.

"It is a disaster in there!"

"Yeah. Untutorable." Gintoki fakes disappointment, then turns a pleased smile to him. "You like Thai food? I love Thai food."

Toshiro is taken aback. "Wait, so- so this is a game to you? You… put human beings into a state of emotional shambles for a shot at getting in my pants?" He asks disgusted.

"Why can't you see that for the compliment that it is?" Gintoki asks what sounds obvious to his own ears.

Toshiro gapes at him, then looks down, shaking his head.

"Okay, okay." Gintoki quickly tries to save the situation. "I'm sorry, it was an accident. I did a little bit of lying to get close to you. But how was I supposed to know that you were smart and cool? …I mean, you look like Elizabeth Schue."

Toshiro frowns at him. "You're unbelievable."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Oh, maybe one decent thing could be to go in there and clean up your mess."

Gintoki looks into the room and watches everyone arguing for a second. "Okay, if I do that then... dinner, right?"

Toshiro just stares at him, not understanding how he can't see the wrongness of it. But after a moment shakes his head and laughs without humor. "Yeah, fine, whatever. As if there's a dinner on earth that could make me forget you are a shallow douchebag." He doesn't wait for an answer and goes back inside the study room.

"Oh, you're gonna eat those words when you see my new car…" Gintoki's face quickly falls as he finishes the sentence and remembers his trade with Hasegawa.

Everyone is still yelling when he walks in. To grab their attention he slams the envelope on the table and they fall silent.

"Alright everybody! I wanna say something. Sit down."

Everyone complies.

"You don't have to yell, I don't appreciate your tone." Kouka mutters under her breath and most of the others agree.

Gintoki pauses for a second as everyone gets settled.

"You know what makes humans different from other animals?" He suddenly asks.

"Feet." Sougo says as if it is obvious.

Matsudaira scoffs. "No, come on, bears have feet."

Gintoki ignores them and answers his own question. "We're the only species on earth that observes Shark Week. Sharks don't even observe Shark Week, but we do. For the same reason I can pick up this pencil-" He takes a pencil lying on the table in his hands. "-tell you its name is Steve, and go like this."

Gintoki snaps the pencil in half.

"Oh!" Shinpachi exclaims like that hurt him, while Matsudaira looks confused and unfazed.

"And part of you dies. Just a little bit on the inside. Because people can connect with anything." He tosses the broken pencil to Shinpachi. "We can sympathise with a pencil. We can forgive a shark. And we can give Ben Affleck an Academy Award for screenwriting."

Matsudaira shakes his head. "Big mistake."

The others murmur in agreement.

Gintoki slowly makes his way around the table as he speaks. "People can find the good in just about anything but themselves. Look at me." He points to himself. "It's clear to all of you that I am awesome."

Toshiro raises an eyebrow at that.

"But I can never admit that, because that would make me an ass. But what I can do is see what makes Otae awesome." And he points at her. "She's driven. We need driven people, or the lights go out and the ice cream melts."

Otae looks pleased at the compliment.

"And Matsudaira. We need people like him. This guy has wisdom to offer."

"The Dalai Lama and I-" Matsudaira begins, but Gintoki interrupts him.

"We should listen to him sometime! We wouldn't regret it. And Kouka. She has earned our respect; not as a wife, not as a mother, but as a woman. And don't test her on that, because that thing about the jukebox was way too specific to be improvised."

Kouka nods, daring anyone to not believe her.

"And Sougo. Who cares if Sougo thinks he's _all that?_ Maybe he is. You think astronauts go to the moon because they hate oxygen? No. They're trying to impress their high school's prom king." Gintoki points at Sougo, who smiles.

"And Shinpachi."

Shinpachi stops trying to fix the snapped pencil and looks up at him.

"Shinpachi's a shaman. You ask him to pass the salt, he gives you a bowl of soup, because you know what? Soup is better. Shinpachi is better."

They all nod.

Gintoki looks at the group. "You are all better than you think you are. You were just designed not to believe it when you hear it from yourself."

"Soup?" Matsudaira asks, clearly lost.

Gintoki ignores him. "I want you to look to the person to your left."

Everyone looks at the person to their left.

"Sorry. Look at the person sitting next to you."

The pairs look at each other.

"I want you to extend to that person the same compassion that you extend to sharks, pencils and Ben Affleck. I want you to say to that person, 'I forgive you.'"

"I forgive you." Otae and Kouka say to each other.

"I forgive you." Shinpachi and Toshiro also say to each other.

"I forgive you." Sougo says.

"Twerp." Matsudaira mutters instead.

Gintoki gives him a pointed look. "I'd like you to say 'I forgive you.'"

He says it quietly, almost a mumble. "I forgive you."

Gintoki looks at them in turn with something shining in his eyes. "You've just stopped being a study group. You have become something unstoppable. I hereby prounounce you… a community."

"Oh, that's nice!" Kouka cheers.

Everyone except Matsudaira smiles and starts clapping.

"This isn't like Breakfast Club anymore." Shinpachi comments. "Now it's like Stripes or Meatballs, anything with Bill Murray, really."

Gintoki nods. "I agree with Shinpachi that tonight has been very special. And now if you'll excuse me, I have a dinner engagement with Toshiro." He turns to him. "Toshiro?"

Toshiro smiles and Gintoki can almost feel his heart racing inside his chest.

"I lied."

But as soon as the words register his face slowly crumbles and the nice atmosphere and the accompanying music that he could swear he heard inside his head, just like all the movies with inspirational moments have, suddenly stops.

"Thanks for calming everyone down, but since you're not a Spanish tutor and just a lying creep who purposely upset everyone in an attempt to get with me, I'd appreciate it if you left and stopped wasting all of our time." Then Toshiro looks at the scandalized group. "Everybody ready?"

The others look at him in disbelief and Gintoki just about had it, so he decides to just give up on the hot guy from Spanish.

"Fine. And I'm happy to report that one of the benefits of being a lying creep is having all the answers to tomorrow's test." He holds up the envelope for everyone to see. "And I'm happy to share them with anyone whose time I've wasted more than they've wasted mine." He finishes with a glare directed Toshiro's way.

Matsudaira grumbles confused. "Uh, Gintoki, if you have all the answers, why the hell did you start this study group?"

"I don't have a study group, I made it up." Gintoki finally reveals the truth.

Otae gapes at him. "But what about the 'look left' speech?"

"Made it up! That's what I do, I make things up, and I got paid _a lot_ of money to do it before I came to this school-shaped toilet! I was a lawyer."

Everyone groans in disgust.

Gintoki picks up the envelope and makes to leave.

"You know, I thought you were like Bill Murray in any of his films, but you're more like Michael Douglas in any of his films." Shinpachi tells him with disappointment clear in his voice.

"Yeah?" Gintoki stops at the door and looks at him angrily.

"Yeah."

"Well you have Asperger's." And leaves without looking back.

The girls gasp.

"What does that mean?" Shinpachi asks confused.

Sougo laughs. "Ass burgers."

Otae scowls at him in disgust. "It's a serious disorder."

Kouka nods. "It really is."

"If it's so serious, why don't they call it meningitis?" Matsudaira mutters under his breath.

Sougo chuckles. "Yeah."

Matsudaira also chuckles. "Ass burgers."

"Burger for your ass."

And they continue giggling under the disappointed stares of the others.

* * *

When Gintoki walks out night has already fallen and by now the campus is mostly deserted. He tears open the envelope and pulls out a stack of… blank paper.

He stops and flicks through them, but they are all blank.

But on the last page there is something written:

' _BOOYAH_.'

* * *

Hasegawa is in his office, leaning back in his chair, laughing to himself and drinking red wine, playing with his 'new' car keys in his hand. But he is startled when Gintoki kicks open the door and quickly puts his wine glass down, even if he doesn't lose his grin. It has probably more to do with his level of drunkenness than any courage he might actually have.

"Gintoki, before you say anything, you may want to think about the gift you've been given."

"An excuse to punch a hippy?" Gintoki offers.

Hasegawa shakes his head. "No. No, not that. An important lesson, my friend. You see, the tools you acquired to survive our there will not help you here at Greendale."

He starts towards Hasegawa as the man continues blubbering.

"What you have, my friend, is a second chance at an honest life."

"Why are people trying to teach me things at a school that has an express tuition aisle?" Gintoki asks rhetorically, then eyes the keys Hasegawa has in his hand. "Give me the keys."

"No, I have to keep the car, for the lesson."

He pretends to lunge at Hasegawa, and the Professor tosses the keys instantly. "Don't hit me. Please don't hit me."

Gintoki takes the keys and walks out.

"Gintoki? Gintoki?" Hasegawa lifts his head, trying to see outside his door. "Are we cool? Are we cool?!" Then gives up and picks up the wine glass. "We cool."

* * *

Gintoki walks past the library exit, where Matsudaira is standing and he stops when he hears him speak.

"I like you, Gintoki. You remind me of myself at your age."

Gintoki nods, taking it as the insult that it is.

"I deserve that."

Matsudaira sits down on the steps. "You know, I've been divorced..." He makes a brief pause to think. "…seven times."

Gintoki lifts up his eyebrows, probably the first time he gets impressed by the old man.

"Sometimes I think I'm doing something wrong." Matsudaira continues, looking towards the night sky.

Gintoki sighs, but ends up sitting next to him. "You keep getting _married."_

The older man seems surprised at that. "…I never looked at it that way."

This time Sougo walks up and stops next to Gintoki, who looks between him and Matsudaira.

"Shouldn't you guys be studying?"

The boy shrugs. "Yeah, things got kinda boring after you left." He sits next to Gintoki. "Let me ask you something. People have been clowning me about this jacket since I got here, but... if I take it off to make them happy, that just makes me weak, right?

Gintoki takes a moment to consider it. "Listen. It doesn't matter. You lose the jacket to please them, you keep it to piss them off…. either way, it's for them. That's what's weak."

Sougo blinks in shock. "Whoa. You just wrinkled my brain, man."

"He's good, isn't he?" Matsudaira comments.

Sougo nods. "He's real good."

The rest of the group approaches them from the library doors. Shinpachi sits on the ground at the bottom of the stairs while the rest just stand behind.

Toshiro glares at Gintoki when he sees him. "Shouldn't you be rolling around on a bed covered in test answers?"

But Gintoki tosses the blank pages to the ground for all to see. "I don't have any of the answers. I'm gonna… flunk the test."

"You just, like, study for an hour, it's not that hard." Sougo says around a laugh and points at his jacket. "You seem pretty smart, you got a sports coat."

Gintoki slowly nods and look in the distance. "Well, the funny thing about being smart is that you can get through most of life without ever having to do any work. So, uh... I'm not really sure how to do that."

Kouka, Otae and Sougo start worldessly miming to Toshiro that he should allow Gintoki back into the group because he is sad and needs help with Spanish. Toshiro mimes back that he's a douche and he doesn't want to let him back in.

But Shinpachi doesn't know what's going on and looks between them confusedly. "What's going on? Can you guys hear me?" He raises his voice. "Am I deaf? Can you hear me talking right now?"

"Yes, yes." They reassure him.

"Yes? That's good." Shinpachi lets out a sigh of relief.

Toshiro seems conflicted. But in the end he can't help but give in. "You know what, Gintoki, actually we didn't get that far without you. So if you wanna come back upstairs..." He lets the offer hang in the air

Gintoki doesn't believe what he is hearing. "…Really?"

"Well it is your study group, so..."

Kouka makes sign with her head towards the entrance of the library. "C'mon, let's study."

Matsudaira gets up. "Sounds good."

Sougo nods. "Pressure."

Toshiro gives him a pointed look that practically orders him to follow and it makes Gintoki finally crack a small, genuine smile, probably the first since he has found himself in this college.

They all get up and go back into the library, except for Gintoki and Shinpachi who linger outside a moment more.

"I'm sorry I called you Michael Douglas and I see your value now." Shinpachi apologizes in his own way before going back inside with the others.

Gintoki frowns to himself. "…That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me." And with that he picks up his things and follows the others inside.

He might have lied before too. There is no way he is giving up on the hot guy from his Spanish class anytime soon.

**Author's Note:**

> For now there's the Pilot. I'm thinking about doing episode 2 and 3, but I don't know. I just hope you guys liked it honestly :)
> 
> And go watch the real Community now! [here's the trailer!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqz1w22Lz1U) You will LOVE it!
> 
> I just think Gintoki is really _really_ perfect in the role of Jeff. Seriously.  
> Seriously.


End file.
